Every time I explain to a dude what turns a woman on, I get the fucking blank stare. Or an astonished or confused look. That’s right dudes, it’s not all visual for us ladies. It’s complicated. We’re full-sensory beings. Which means you better smell good. Or smell like you’ve been building something. It’s evolutionary… we want someone who can take care of a ho and her kids. Which means you better be able to fucking build something or fix some shit. Literally or metaphorically.
But going back to that evolutionary thing… men want a woman who can make some babies. …Serious hips. Feed those babies. …Ample breasts. I could go on… the point being, I don’t hate on a guy for liking those things, and not just because I don’t want to get shit from people about swooning over a guy’s muscles and scent. It’s part of being a man on a very perpetuate-the-human-race kind of level. Women were made to visually attract a male so that he can deposit his sperm in the best possible option to spawn little mini-dudes. Sounds crass, I know, but it’s nature. It’s science. I mean, I’m not going to quote any actual sources for you here, but I’ll dig some up if you decide to be a little bitch about it.
But then, society takes sexuality to an intellectual level. We’re aesthetic for the sake of art. We want to appreciate shit. It’s part of celebrating life, love, humanity. And I love me some life, love, and humanity. Where we tend to go horribly wrong is when we let Kate Moss‘ “heroin chic” sell us the blatant lie that addict-body is the thing to strive for, as though it is the most desirable, or even healthy. Or when we glorify nudity of one kind, and demonize nudity of another, when the latter is the most underrated, even criticized, kind of beauty.
For instance, I find Black women to be… incredibly beautiful. Hot. Desirable. I’ve seen all shapes and sizes of Black women, of all different tribes, nationalities, mixes… my personal favorite being of the Erykah Badu or Jill Scott variety. Maybe I’m starting to understand my bisexuality more… I desire what I admire at its core, and in its totality. And what better way to glorify someone than to do all you can to please her and show her what you feel she is worth? Unfortunately, we live in a place and time where the media depicts Black women in a very particular manner… as Brown Betty so eloquently states in ‘Art in Our Own Image: Where MY Girls At?’:
“…we are sexless nurturers (mammy) or lascivious sluts (jezebels). They are one dimensional caricatures, reminiscent of the sexual terrorism of slave days. I often explain to my students that the roots of these stereotypes sprang from propaganda justifying slavery and the violent, rampant colonialism that interpreted the nudity of native Africans as promiscuity and asserted that slave women liked to be raped; that their sexual appetites demanded it.”
Now, if you’re one of my sexy sluts who is in denial about the racism of our time, personal or systemic, then I would like to use this as an example of why you need to perhaps reconsider. (And don’t worry… if you’re gonna be a little bastard about it, we’ll talk more about it later. Shhhhhhh it’s okay.)
What’s even worse is when I’m walking through the mall, and I’ve got larger-than-life posters of almost-naked models selling me clothing (which I’m okay with), the commercialism deeming it “appropriate”, while Erykah Badu strips on a lovely stroll through Dallas for her ‘Window Seat’ video, for the purpose of making a very real and important statement to young women everywhere (which I’m also okay with), and she gets the third degree.
“It’s amazing that we can look at art and call the human body beautiful but we can only see it as something dirty and offensive when it is the actual human body. Look at the statue of David? Is it wrong for children to see his private parts in stone? …[Erykah Badu] has always had a deep message that is obviously too deep for most. The thing is, whether I believe in how she conveys her message or not isn’t what is really important.” -Anonymous commenter (Erykah Badu Explains Nudity In ‘Window Seat’ Video, MTV.com)
At the end of the video, Erykah Badu says:
“They who play it safe, are quick to assassinate what they don’t understand. They move in packs, ingesting more and more fear with every act of hate on one another. They feel more comfortable in groups, less guilt to swallow. They are us. This is what we have become, afraid to respect the individual.”
And as women, as individuals, we are completely free to desire, and to love. To appreciate. What do you appreciate? What do you desire? Because what I have found is that I desire something very different than what society tells me is desirable. I think we should listen to that. It takes courage to hear and speak our own voice. The voice of the white male can be quite loud sometimes. The fears of the prudish woman, so destructive. It’s shaped our whole society. Let’s speak up a bit, ladies. Are you with me?
- Love It or Hate It? Erykah Badu Teams Up With Tom Ford (bellasugar.com)
- Monday Morning Muse with the Primary Colors of Erykah Badu and Bag Lady (fashionrework.com)
- Erykah Badu at the Blaisdell (beyondhonolulu.com)
- Adrian Grenier and Erykah Badu Get Designing For Earth Month (bellasugar.com)
- Birthday Shout Out: Erykah Badu (audio-gumbo.com)
- The Flaming Lips’ Collaborate With Bon Iver, Erykah Badu, and Others (skoodmusic.com)
- Erykah Badu banned from performing in Malaysia (digitalspy.co.uk)
- Hennessy – Wild Rabbit Interactive Campaign | With Manny Pacquiao & Erykah Badu (freshnessmag.com)
- Erykah Badu Responds to Malaysian Concert Ban (pitchfork.com)
- Malaysian newspaper suspends editors over Erykah Badu ‘Allah’ pics (creepingsharia.wordpress.com)